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From the aspect of other people, I am an okay human being with limited possibilities. I will not get far in life, and I am just a problem for most. Really though, you do not know who I am. You do not know know what I have dealt with, but guess what! I will never understand what you have gone through, and I sorry that I can not connect with you on that level. Personally though, I have no feelings of remorse because not many people ever have that relationship.

Too many people have been hurt in their life and truly refuse to let themselves be so vulnerable for somebody.

In all reality, I ultimately got to that point where I gave my complete trust to someone and it did make me a little freaked out. I was constantly scared to death by the possibility of them crushing me and destroying my heart. As I type this, I cry. As I think about it all, I cry.

I regret situations, comments, things I said because I was beginning to feel like life had a purpose again, and I hadn’t felt that in years. The saddest part? I’ve only been alive for 15 years, so the fact that I haven’t felt happiness very recently is saddening to me.
I am not asking for your pity at any extent, I have never wanted to be that girl. I wanted to get  through life and my battles with everybody against me.
That was, until I realized how difficult that is. Now, I’m at the point that I just can’t do it anymore, and every time I think about what I want to do with my life, or what I have done…
I just imagine writing my goodbye letter, because things aren’t supposed to work like this, and nobody deserves to feel any huge amount of pain. Not a soul. I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy because it is that horrible.

If you have never felt pain like this before, you can come nowhere near comprehending all of it, nor do you really want to be able to.

 

I don’t expect people in my life to be there for me, because I know most won’t… but it sure would be a joy and a blessing if God gave me something, anything to live for.
Something that brought me a little bit of happiness and not just despair and sadness.
I am beginning to feel like God put me on this planet to pretty much go through the worst Hell on Earth, and then to help others that have difficult problems.

I’m trying to make this my goodbye letter to evil, vulnerability, and pain.

I dream to help these people, but how can I help fix them when I can’t even fix myself?